Schlitterbahn

Hi!  I'm Jake!

Yesterday was awesome.  I have lived in Texas for most of the past year.  Yet, yesterday, I finally went to one of the biggest water parks in Texas- nay, the world!  I went to Schlitterbahn, in New Braunfels, Texas.  It was a fun-filled day!

So here are 3 Things I am Thankful For about Schlitterbahn!

1. We had fun in the sun (and water) for over 10 hours!
Because the price of admission is so expensive ($45 for a day pass), Matt Golightly & I made a day of it. We got there at 10:15, right after it opened.  We left at 8:45- 45 minutes after they closed!  They were pretty cool about it. Aside from standing in line, we spent most of the day wetter than pus.

The best ride was Master Blaster. Of course, that also had about an hour-long wait in line each time we did it.  But Master Blaster was awesome. You basically drop straight down then the water pressure shoots you up almost as quickly. This happens several times.  The ride only lasts about 50 seconds, but it's pretty sweet.

I also liked The Falls, a lazy river that loops around and around the park.  You can get off at several exits and enjoy rides near those exits. The Falls also has occasional rapids.  It's fun.  There aren't really any actual falls, though.  That's kind of misleading.  It's basically just a lazy river that is not so lazy.

I think it was a good deal. Since they let us bring in food and beverages, we didn't have to buy their pricey foods and beverages.  The main cost was the $45 admission.  Considering we rode rides for about 10.5 hours, that's about $4 per hour.

2. Schlitterbahn is fun to say!

There are several scenarios when it's fun to say Schlitterbahn. By the way, try saying that sentence 3 times fast! "There are sheveral schenarios when it's fun to shay Schlitterbahn."  

Here are some examples of when it's fun to say Schlitterbahn:

• If you have even the slightest lisp, say Schlitterbahn, and you'll sound like a giant dork. It's great!  Do it at parties! "I shell Schlitterbahn sheason pashes down by the theashore."
• Schlitterbahn sounds like a poo joke.  "I need to get some New Braunfels.  I just Schlitterbahned myself!"
• Schlitterbahn is a great innuendo. Instead of saying you drove up the Hershey Highway, say "Francine is great. She let me drive up her Schlitterbahn!"



I look pinker than the
hot dogs my gut eats. 

• The next time your friend gets on a scary water park ride, tell them "Schlitter-Bon Voyage!"

See? Schlitterbahn is just fun to say. I'm thankful for that.  You are probably not.

3. I got a great tan.

You'd be surprised how dark you get after 10 hours of uninterrupted Texas sunshine.  Look at my beautiful skin!  A tan can help protect your body against harmful radioactive sun rays. Well, imagine how much protection my body has after this great, sexy dark tan! I'm thankful for that!

As always, I am thankful you read my blog.
Bye!  I'm Jake!

Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang!

Hi!  I'm Jake!

I haven't blogged in over a week. I am super-stressed! In the past week, I have ruined my bike in a bike accident, almost died, driven over 2500 miles, been to the auto shop 4 times, and spent $1000 on my car.  Plus, I need hernia surgery. All this stuff is piling up and it's freaking me out! I am getting married soon, I need to take my debt down, not bring it up even more!

Fortunately, this week, I went to the gun range and got some stress relief. Here are 3 Things I am Thankful For Because of Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang!

1. I got some stress relief. 
Sometimes, I just need to calm down and focus.  Nothing makes me focus better than yoga.  However, the only thing that helps me focus almost as much as yoga is shooting at a target over and over, making paper zombie target carnage.

With both yoga and guns, you have to have proper form and concentrated breathing.  You have to focus. Focusing my mind make me relax.

2. I got to test out a Thureon Defense 9mm Carbine with a Slide Fire Solutions stock.

Oh, man!  What a treat! Remember the first time you played the 8-bit Nintendo with controllers that had turbo buttons?  Koopa Troopas aren't so tough now, right?  Well, the Slide Fire Solutions stock is basically a turbo button for your rifle.  It uses the gun's recoil and your body to increase your firing rate- significantly!  Plus, it's legal.

Check out this video of my sweet day at the range!  Talk about stress relief!  Shooting this Slide Fire- equipped 9mm really puts a smile on my face!  Try it out sometime.  You'll smile too.  I'm always thankful for smiles- except creepy smiles.  Then, not so much. See that?  I brought back "not so much."

3. I spent time with my dad.
I love going to the range with my dad.  Guns are one thing my dad and I both really enjoy.  Plus, every time I hang out with my dad, I am happy. We have a great relationship. Hanging out with him as an adult is just as fun as hanging out with him when I was a kid.  I've always enjoyed that- except when I'm in trouble.

My dad's my hero.  He's a good guy.  He's honest.  He's laid back- which also calms me down.  I know sometimes life makes him crazy too- but he doesn't freak out like I do.  He rolls with it.  I need to learn how to do that better.  Everybody around me would be thankful if I just CALMED DOWN! CALM DOWN, JAKE!

That Rubber Band!

Hi!  I'm Jake!

The RAM X-Grip mounted onto
my bike.

I have been cycling a lot lately. In the previous entries, I wrote about how I am thankful to have the RAM Mount X-Grip Universal Cell Phone Holder, mounts my Droid Thunderbolt smart phone onto my handle bars. The X-Grip allows me to view the trail map while I'm riding.

As much as I like the X-Grip, it has a big flaw: whenever I hit a nasty bump on the bike path,  there is a decent chance the spring-loaded X-Grip will let go of my cell phone.  This happened 3 times within the first week of using the X-Grip!  The first time the X-Grip dropped my phone, I didn't even realize what had happened.  I just heard something drop behind me.  Suddenly I realized my phone was gone so I turned around.  Imagine if I hadn't heard that dropping sound, though!  

My Otterbox-encased
Droid Thunderbolt
mounted on to my X-Grip.

The second time the X-Grip dropped my phone, I could see it hurdling through the dirt.  The third time it happened was about 10 minutes after the second time it happened.  There will not be a fourth time!

Fortunately, my phone is in an Otterbox, a protective case that prevented my phone from total annihilation. The sim card did slip out of its slot- so I couldn't make any phone calls till I took my phone apart and fixed it.

This rubberband that ensures my RAM X-Grip won't
drop my phone again!

I am thankful my Otterbox protected my phone from utter destruction. However,  this entry is not about the Otterbox. It's about my solution to the X-Grip's shortcomings: To keep my phone securely attached to the X-Grip, I have been using a rubber band.  That's right: I spent $50 on RAM's mounting system, but a two-penny rubber band is what keeps my Droid securely fastened to my bike!  

So, here are 3 Things I am Thankful For because of That Rubber Band!

1. First off, it keeps my Droid mounted to my bike!

Before I started using the rubber band to supplement my X-Grip, my Droid fell off my bike 3 times.  Since I started using the rubber band, it hasn't fallen off once.  

This week- since using the rubberband- a pedestrian ran out right in front of me and I had to swerve to avoid running over her.  I swerved off the path, hit a bunch of tree roots and the X-Grip almost dropped my phone again. Even with the rubberband, the phone almost came out.  It came half way out.  It would have come all the way out, but the rubberband held it in place. Without the rubberband, my Droid would have definitely dropped.

I am thankful my rubberband is more reliable than my X-Grip!

2. When I get off my bike, I can use the rubberband to shoot somebody.

If another lady cuts me off and forces me off the trail, I can stop the bike, put my phone in my back pack, then bike up behind her and shoot the rubberband at the back of her head, execution style.  

Then, I can pick the rubberband back up, reattach it and my phone to my X-Grip and merrily ride off into the sunset.

3. I can use a rubberband to hold just about anything in place!

If I shoot a lady with a rubberband, she might come after me. What if she lunges at me and I fall off my bike, down a hill, through the Farmer Jenkins's thorn patch, over the river, through the woods, through Grandma's house and into some more tree roots?  Owie!  If all that happens, a rubberband can hold gauze onto my tree root wounds!  Thanks, rubberband!

RAM Mount Universal X-Grip Cell Phone Holder

RAM Mount
Universal X-Grip
Cell Phone Holder

Hi!  I'm Jake!

In my previous blog entry, I wrote about how I have been cycling again lately. To keep track of my miles-per-hour, overall miles, and my route, I have been using a Droid app, MapMyRide.

I went riding with one of my buddies a few months ago and he has a bike mount for his i-Pod.  So I can view the MapMyRide trail map while I'm riding, I wanted something similar for my Droid. Using Amazon.com, I found the RAM Mount Universal X-Grip Cell Phone Holder.

RAM Mount
Aluminum Short Dual
1.0 inch Socket Arm

I got the RAM Mount Universal X-Grip Cell Phone Holder, the RAM Mount Aluminum Short Dual 1.0 inch Socket Arm, and the RAM Mount Zinc Coated U-Bolt Base w/1" Ball.  The entire order cost me about $55.

I was extremely excited when I received the package containing all 3 of these items.  However, upon opening my parcel, I realized the shippers didn't send any installation instructions.  Each component came with a plastic baggy and a brochure to buy more parts.  So, I had instructions on how I could get more parts, but not instructions on how to use the parts I already had! Nevertheless, using a screw driver and my manly intuition, I installed the mounting system on my bike in about 5 minutes.

RAM Mount
Zinc Coated
U-Bolt Base w/1" Ball

I have taken the RAM mounting system out for several rides and for the most part, it has worked great! Here are 3 Things I Am Thankful For because of my RAM Mount Universal X-Grip Cell Phone Holder!

1. While cycling, I can easily read my cell phone's display.
With my phone mounted right on my bike, I can look down at my handlebars and easily view all my stats (miles per hour, miles traveled, top speed).  I can read the MapMyRide map so I know where I am and how to get back.

I can even see if someone is calling me. So far that hasn't happened yet.  But when I get some friends and they call me, I can brag to them that I am exercising.  Bragging always makes me feel thankful!

2. I can quickly mount my phone on my bike- and take it off again!
The way the X-Grip works is 4 spring-loaded arms clasp around the phone, holding it in place.  To mount the phone, I squeeze 2 of the arms together, slide the phone right in, and let go.

To remove the phone, all I have to do is squeeze the arms together and grab the phone. Another way to remove the phone is to hit a big-ol' bump in the road.  The phone will fall out on the trail behind you- so you can double back and get a little extra exercise!  I'm always thankful for extra exercise!

3. The X-grip cradle can also easily be taken off my bike and used with other RAM mounts.
One other really cool thing about the X-Grip is I don't have to use it with the other components shown above.  RAM makes a windshield suction cup that, along with the RAM Mount Aluminum Short Dual 1.0 inch Socket Arm, allows you to mount the X-Grip in your car!

With my phone mounted in my car, I can view the Google Navigator app, see who is calling me, or even watch Netflix!  Sure, I watch Netflix a bunch in my car already, but now I can do it safely!  I am thankful for that!  Yay!

MapMyRide!

Hi!  I'm Jake!

Because of my big ol' Texas gut, you haven't heard from me for about a week.  See, I am tired of my gut so when I finally found a decent bike trail here in Austin, I started riding about an 60-90 minutes per day. It feels great!

To help monitor my exercise progress, I am using a GPS-based Droid app called MapMyRide.  It's pretty handy.  Here are #3ThingsIamThankfulFor because of MapMyRide!

1. MapMyRide Informs The Crap Out Of Me!

Back when I lived in Denver, I used to bike 30 miles per day, at least 3 times per week. I was really fit.  At my peak, I was biking around 15.5 miles per hour. 

I'd bike a lot faster if all you poky
chumps got out of the way!

When I started biking again about a week-and-a-half ago, I had no idea how fast I was going.  All I knew is that the only bike path I have found so far is also a pedestrian path.  It's cluttered with meandering pedestrians who walk slowly, with all their friends. They are chunky, trodding obstructions, who hog the whole width of the path. If the bike/pedestrian path is a urethra, they are the gall stone clogging up the works.  Regardless of how many times I call out "On your left!" they don't move out of the way till I just about run them over.  Get out of the way, jerks!  It's for your safety!

I almost got in 2 accidents on Friday!  Do you want me to run over you and your baby?  Get out of the way, dimples!

Because of all the pedestrians, I know I am not hitting my target speed of 15 miles per hour.  However, that's not very accurate information.  That's just a good guess based on fat people. MapMyRide tells me I am averaging about 13 miles per hour and my top speed was 30 miles per hour.  That 30 miles per hour must have been downhill!  

MapMyRide also tells me:

• How many how many total miles I've biked.
• How many minutes I have biked.
• How many calories I've burned, so I know how much ice cream I can eat. 
• What day it is.  That's important information!

I am thankful for the information.  It is way more accurate than my guesses and hopes.  Now, get out of the way, you mosying pedestrians!

2. MapMyRide shows me a map of my ride.

MapMyRide even displays a map of each ride.  It shows me exactly which route I took.

This is important because every time I ride, I vary my route slightly.  Combined with my speed statistics for each ride, eventually, I'll figure out which route I take allows me to go the fastest.  Another of way of saying that, I'll find out which path has the least meandering pedestrians. Hooray!  I'm thankful for that!

3. MapMyRide has an Auto Pause function.

The current routes I am using also go out into traffic a couple times. Traffic means I have to stop at red lights and/or stop for cars before I cross the road.  As soon as I stop moving, the Auto Pause function stops the clock.  Once I start moving again, it starts the clock again.  I am not really sure how that helps me, but I think I am thankful for that!

Grass!

Hi!  I'm Jake!

It's almost summertime.  Growing up, one of my favorite things about summer was running around barefoot with the other kids on the Fourth of July. I loved laying on the cool, refreshing grass, looking up at the sky, imagining what it would be like if my parents let me watch the fireworks.  Childhood was great!

Me and my pretty bride to be.

Last night, I went to Austin's Blues on the Green with my lady.  As we traversed Zilker Park to get closer to the music, some chick looked back, checked me out, and gave me a sexyface smile.  Callie was like "Hey! Keep off my man!"  That was cool.

We met up with a couple of my couchsurfing friends to hear a few bands play the "blues."  It wasn't really the blues.  It was just a bunch of white guys singing about how they have a new CD for sale at the merch table. But it was nice listening to music outside.  We ate veggie burgers, and chips and guacamole.  I got a couple nice pictures with my lady. That all happened while we sat on the grass.  Thanks, grass!

Here are 3 Things I Am Thankful For because Grass:

1. Mowing the lawn is therapeutic.

I used to hate mowing the lawn.  It was a chore.  Eventually, I realized its potential to put my mind at ease. Mowing the lawn is relaxing. It's orderly. You have a simple task.  You go back and forth, clipping every lane of grass until it is done.  That's what makes mowing the lawn so great: Many tasks in my life are ongoing, constantly unfinished- but you either finished mowing the lawn or you didn't.  You either clipped that little grass mohawk by the elm trees or you didn't.  Either you whacked all the weeds with your weedwhacker or you didn't.  Either you ran over than tennis ball and it made a cool sound or you didn't. The point is, when you mow the lawn, there is no room for interpretation: You are either done or you are either not done. 

When you are done, you have a sense of accomplishment more rewarding than North Carolina corn pudding!  I'm thankful for that.  I'd also like some corn pudding.

2. You can put grass in your pants!

When I was a child, my cul de sac neighbors, John and Rocky made me put grass in my onesy feeted pajamas.  They were so funny.  I looked like a scarecrow!  That was silly!  John and Rocky always made the neighbor kids do crazy things. One of them is now in jail.  Guess which one!

Anyway, grass brought the Bristlecone Place cul de sac kids together.  I'm thankful for that!

3. Grass is a source of life.

I have done about a hundred video shoots for the National Cattlemen's Beef Association and various other agricultural entities.  I have video taped cattle in all of their natural environments, including:

053112 maneatscoweatsgrass by Jake Sharon

• the farm pasture
• the ranch
• natural grasslands
• the feedyard

In most of these places, the cattle eat grass. That helps them become tasty cheeseburgers for my mouth. I have even eaten grass-fed cattleburgers- while sitting on the grass! I ate cattle as food while sitting on their food! That felt amazing. Go America!

Now, time to put a cloud on this glory. Imagine if cattle ate something besides grass?  What if they ate tasty cheeseburgers for my mouth? This whole cycle would be ruined.  Chaos. 

Thank India that's not the case.  Cows eat grass.  I sit on the grass. I eat cows. Life goes round.  Thanks, grass!

I Live In AUX, Not PDX

Hi!  I'm Jake!

As some of me may know, I live in Austin, Texas, not Portland, Oregon.  Both have artsy fartsy.  Both have food trucks.  Both claim to keep it weird.  Both are cool towns. However, according to my budget, I can only live in one place at a time.  Currently, that place is Austin.

Here are 3 Things I Am Thankful For because I Live In AUX, Not PDX:

1. AUX Has Authentic BBQ.
I really enjoyed the "I Like Thai" food truck I found when I worked in Portland a few weeks ago.  It was only $5 for a ton of food. The Thai iced tea was only another dollar.  I love Thai iced tea!  So delicious!

"053012 Oregon BBQ" by Jake Sharon

However, before I picked the "I Like Thai" food truck, I passed about 20 other food trucks, including an "authentic Texas BBQ" food truck.  Granted, I didn't give that truck a chance- that's because I'm not stupid!  I eat Texas bbq all the time.  I wouldn't say I'm a bbq connoisseur, but I have eaten "Texas brisket" in other states and I have been burned!  I went to 12 Bones in Asheville, North Carolina.  That place makes a mean plate of pork.  They know NC bbq as well as anybody.  Their corn pudding is more rewarding than having a sense of accomplishment.  Their jalapeno cheese grits will rock your world like a fat chick fight.  However, even though they rock NC bbq, they made me a plate of brisket that had the flavor and consistency of shoe leather.

My point is 12 Bones will rock your hippie flip flops off with their delectable North Carolina bbq.  It's the best!  Yet, these bbq masters failed making Texas brisket. They absolutely failed.  So, do you think for one second I'm dumb enough to let some weed smoking, hipster Oregonians sell me their version of Texas bbq?  Think again.  

I am smart enough to know that you don't order sushi in Texas.  That's not not their specialty.  You don't get gumbo in Maine.  You don't get soul food from Albuquerque.  You don't eat Mexican in Boston.  You don't buy maple syrup from a midget. You sure as shrimp don't order brisket in Portland!

In short, I ate at Rudy's BBQ 3 times in the past week. I have eaten over 2 pounds of meat and several cups of creamed corn- made with real cream!  I am thankful for that!

2. Blow Your Mind With Barrels, Not Pipes.
In Portland, they have amazing weed.  No one can deny that. There was a time when that was important to me. However, in Austin -and pretty much anywhere in Texas- we have amazing gun laws!  Smoking weed may have calmed me down, but going to the gun range for several hours and improving my accuracy gives me a sense of accomplishment.  That's almost as rewarding as 12 Bones' corn pudding!

Sure, weed may have helped inspire me to paint some great paintings, but I never felt accomplished by merely smoking weed.  By the end of the day at the gun range, I feel calm because:

• My breathing is more controlled, relaxed.
• With controlled stance, breathing, and self awareness, you get focus- something that doesn't come naturally to me.
• My groupings are tighter and I am hitting more bullseyes- so I have made measurable progress.
• Most importantly, after a day at the range, because of my improved ability, I feel more empowered to protect my lady.  She deserves that.  It makes me feel good, too.  

So, I just outlined 4 more things I'm thankful for within the 3 things I am thankful for today.  There is a lot of thankfulness going around!  The point is I am thankful I live in a state that encourages responsible gun use instead of tempting me with drug use.  By the way, they still have drugs here; they just aren't as good.  Just ask Portland about that!


3. There Is A Direct Flight That Goes Between Both Towns.
I really do love Austin. It's great!  My fiancee and I spent a bunch of time the past couple days looking for a job, a horse stable, and a gym so when she moves here we can both be really happy. All this exploring is showing us just how great Austin truly is.

However, I got to explore Portland a bunch when I worked at Harvey's Comedy Club a couple weeks ago.  I know it is a great town too.  Harvey's was fun. Voodoo Doughnuts was delicious! I Like Thai was incredible.  Southwest Airlines, also one of my favorites, has a direct flight between the 2 cities.  So, even though I live in Austin, I am only a few hours away from Portland.  I am really thankful for that!

I Do Not Have a Hump

Hi! I'm Jake!

I don't have a hump. There's no back story to this. I just don't have a hump. I'm really glad about that.

Here are 3 Things I Am Thankful For because I Do Not Have A Hump:

1. I don't have to wear a special sweater.

Hump people often have big heads too. I'm not saying they are overly egotistical- I mean, they are egotistical because they have more real estate for neck tattoos- but they also have physically bigger heads.  Humpback heads will stretch a sweater neck hole like a fat baby's birth.

I'm thankful I don't have the head or the hump to ruin my clothes.

2. I am not the go-to guy for piggy back rides.

052612 River Center's Rules Humpback,
by Jake Sharon

I used to work for a lady so big that her butt had a shelf. You could stand on it, take it for a ride! I pictured children gayly riding it around to all the barbecue joints.

Humpbacks have a similar kid seat on their neck. That torso cankle is a big enough platform to serve a four-course dinner!

People love a sweet piggy back ride like that. They ride it around like Hannibal on his elephants. It's fun for the passenger, but demoralizing for the Quasimodo. It's probably bad for their back, too! Their back is already bad- and now people want humpback pigback rides?

I'm thankful I don't have that problem. Now, if I could only get rid of this mustache, I wouldn't have to give any rides at all!

3. No hump sunburns.

A back hump is just an epidermal flat land. It would be a great place for a solar panel. However, when the sun is out, assuming there aren't any piggy back passengers, that area is exposed for the sun's scorn.

Imagine peeling off a humpback's plate-sized, post-sunburn skin peel! I don't have that problem and I am so thankful!

My lady gives me good... advice.

Hi!  I'm Jake!

I'm having one of those days where I make a 15-item to do list but only accomplish 2 things.  It's frustrating.  One of my big things was to write some jokes so I could go to at least one open mic tonight.  I really wanted to go to two open mics, one that started at 8:00 and one that started at 9:00.

Well, I finally started writing at 7:00.  Not good.  I wasn't even really creating much either.  I was just taking notes from my notepad and organizing them by subject.

At 9:00, I reached a stopping point.  Another way of saying that is my fianceè called at 8:45, and at 9:00, I realized I was done writing.  I told her how I was going to go to an open mic, but I should have been there at 8:30 and I probably wouldn't get there till 9:30.  She told me I should go anyway. I said "I don't know.  I'm going to be late. I don't want to be that guy." Regardless, she talked me into going. I'm glad she did. Most of the time, I am very thankful for my fiancee's advice.

Here are 3 Things I Am Thankful For because My Lady Gives Me Good... Advice:

1. It shows how she is invested in me.
When my lady takes the time to give me advice, it shows that she is thinking of me. When she takes the time to give me good advice, it shows she actually has quality insight about me. She knows me well enough to know the probable result if I don't take her advice.

In concrete terms, tonight, she told me how she knew that if I didn't go to the open mic, that tomorrow, I'd complain to her "I should have gone to the open mic."  She knew this because she's seen me do it before!

So, she was thinking of my happiness.  I got on stage, worked on some jokes, and I got an artistic release.  Also, she benefits because she doesn't have to hear me gripe about not going.  So, really, she was speaking out of mutual interest. Two for the price of one!

In the long run, repeated stage time improves my act- which improves my career, which will improve our lives together.  We are thankful that she recognizes that.


2. We have an open dialogue. 
My lady and I have an open door policy. We can talk about anything- including advice for one another.
I have seen relationships where this is not the case.  Instead of being each other's best counsel, I've sene spouses tell their friends what they wish their husband or wife would have done.  That always starts out as venting.  Soon it becomes backstabbing.  Eventually, both parties are unhappy and because they didn't talk to each other, neither of them is working towards a solution.

Now, put this back in the context of the open mic: chances are, our relationship wouldn't be in jeopardy if I didn't go to the open mic.  However, if she felt she had to keep her opinion to herself on something small like whether I should go to a mic, imagine how she'd feel about advising me about something bigger, like whether I should get a pony!  If she can't talk to me about an open mic, then we're going to have real big problems if and when I bring home a state fair pony!

This is about communication.  This is about faith in one another.  This is about respect.  If you don't have these things, you can't have a pony.  If you do, well, we can talk about it, Jake.  I don't know if it's in our budget right now.  How about we just go to the state fair sometime then get a pony when your comedy career takes off?  Okay, Callie.

We can talk about things like that.  I am truly thankful for that.

3. Since I took her advice, I can give her some too.
What's good for the gander, is good for the goose!  Since she gives me advice, it would be in bad form for her not to listen to mine.

By the way, she has taken my advice before. We are both really good about listening to each other's advice.  Now, that's not to say we always have to take it.  I'm not her boss.  She is not my boss.  I hope she doesn't read that last part.

That's the thing, though: we give each other advice, not orders. Occasionally, we strongly advise things like : "I really think you should do your 2010 taxes.  I think we'll both feel better."  or "Jake, I strongly advise you to avoid bringing up politics the next time you talk with my parents."  Good call!

So, in our relationship, advice goes both ways.  That gives us balance and again, respect.  I am thankful for that.