Saturday, May 26, 2012

I Do Not Have a Hump

Hi! I'm Jake!
I don't have a hump. There's no back story to this. I just don't have a hump. I'm really glad about that.

Here are 3 Things I Am Thankful For because I Do Not Have A Hump:

1. I don't have to wear a special sweater.
Hump people often have big heads too. I'm not saying they are overly egotistical- I mean, they are egotistical because they have more real estate for neck tattoos- but they also have physically bigger heads.  Humpback heads will stretch a sweater neck hole like a fat baby's birth.

I'm thankful I don't have the head or the hump to ruin my clothes.

2. I am not the go-to guy for piggy back rides.
052612 River Center's Rules Humpback,
by Jake Sharon
I used to work for a lady so big that her butt had a shelf. You could stand on it, take it for a ride! I pictured children gayly riding it around to all the barbecue joints.

Humpbacks have a similar kid seat on their neck. That torso cankle is a big enough platform to serve a four-course dinner!

People love a sweet piggy back ride like that. They ride it around like Hannibal on his elephants. It's fun for the passenger, but demoralizing for the Quasimodo. It's probably bad for their back, too! Their back is already bad- and now people want humpback pigback rides?

I'm thankful I don't have that problem. Now, if I could only get rid of this mustache, I wouldn't have to give any rides at all!

3. No hump sunburns.
A back hump is just an epidermal flat land. It would be a great place for a solar panel. However, when the sun is out, assuming there aren't any piggy back passengers, that area is exposed for the sun's scorn.

Imagine peeling off a humpback's plate-sized, post-sunburn skin peel! I don't have that problem and I am so thankful!

Well, I haven't written in a couple weeks.  That's lame. I have no excuse.  Suffice to say I am thankful I am finally done watching all 6 seasons of The Sopranos again.  Now I can get back to work!

I'm thankful I don't have a hump.  I'm thankful you read this entry.  I like you- even if you have a hump.

Bye! I'm Jake!

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