Sunday, April 15, 2012

Getting Off The Road Part 2: Stink Bed Kick!

Hi!  I'm Jake!

I'm sitting in a hotel room in Houston, Texas. This weekend, I am performing at the Comedy Showcase, a great club that's only 3 hours from new home!  After my 17-hour drive from Asheville this Tuesday, I am super excited for these new short drives to all the Texas comedy clubs!  That was the last 17-hour drive I'll ever do!

So, here are 3 Things I am Thankful For because I'm Getting Off The Road Part 2:
(Here's a link to part 1).

1. I don't have to sit in my stinky car all day!
Anytime I drive to a gig, as soon as I get there, I avoid as many people as possible- until after I have a chance to shower.  That's because the hot sun makes me sweat all the cheese, chicharrones, & excess sweet tea, out my pores.  An aqueous layer of travel stink wets, gels, then dries- making me just about impossible to inhale!  Club owners are like "Who is this stinky guy we booked? Are the fumigation costs coming out of his pay?"

Now I that am only taking gigs I can get to with a short drive or a short flight. I can show up smelling spring clean.  I'm thankful for that. Comedy clubs will be thankful for that too!

2.  I get to sleep in my own bed!
I am thankful that I have been able to stay in hotels, at my friends' places, at couchsurfer's places, at my fianceè's place, at my fianceè's parents' place. I'm thankful I have places to crash.

However, I love sleeping in my own bed!  My bed isn't much.  It's just a futon with a clunky futon mattress, supported by a foam mattress our neighbor discarded. It's a cheap, makeshift bed. Being as I am always gone, my roommate's cat sleeps on it more than I do. Nonetheless, it's my bed!  It's not too soft. It's not too firm. It's just right.  It would be perfect for Goldilocks.  She can find her own bed, though.  I have a fianceè.  I'm thankful for that.

3. Instead of driving, I can learn a martial art.
Whenever I'm driving, I just want to kick something.  Now, I'll have the time for somebody to teach me  how to do that properly.  Are you that guy in Arkansas who caused that stupid I-40 traffic jam so I had to illegally drive on the shoulder for 30 miles? Well, next time I see you, kick to the head!  Then the world will be just a little more balanced.  I am thankful for that.

Well, I have a short drive back to Austin now. When I get back, I will spend the rest of the day crossing things off my to do list.  That's way cooler than driving across Arkansas or North Dakota.  I'm thankful for that.  Moreover, I am thankful you read my blog entry today.

Bye!  I'm Jake!

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