This week, I'm working the Northern Plains, including North Dakota, Minnesota, & Wisconsin. Fun times. Ranging from mullets to bad sweaters to lipsticked Virginia Slims to obesity, each place has their own sense of fashion. Great people! I'm thankful for that.
I am also thankful because I'm traveling with a really fun comedian- & he is doing all the driving! Yay! When you don't have to drive, that's when you know you've made it. Actually, that's not true. That might also mean you just have a DUI.
Anyway, here are 3 Things I'm Thankful For because I Am Being Driven like Miss Daisy:
1. I can do other things instead of driving.
When I'm not driving, I can do other things like eat, drive, write jokes, tweet & sleep. I have done all those things while driving, but they are all way easier to do when I'm not- especially sleeping.
2. I get to hear new music.
When I drive, I play my music. That's what's in my car, so that's what I play. When somebody else drives, we listen to their music. Today, we listened to The Roots, an R&B mix, & a whole bunch of jazz I'd never heard before. I'm thankful because I got to hear music I might not have heard otherwise. I was exposed to culture! Yay! Exposure to culture is always a good thing- unless you are at a doctor's office. Strep cultures are sick!
More importantly, the other comedian is thankful because he doesn't have to hear my music. When I do long drives in my car, we listen to music that keeps me awake- like Autechre, Black Lung, Venetian Snares, & other IDM*. My former roommate, Elliot Woolsey said that my music sounds like robots humping each other- badly.
So, to all you features out there, unless you want to hear robot hump music, offer to drive. You'll be thankful you did.
3. No wear & tear on my vehicle.
My Honda has 248,000+ miles. It's 13 years old. I get 12 oil changes, a new set of tires, & at least 1 majore repair every year. I can barely afford those things- let alone a new car! Wear & tear is expensive. I pay about a thousand dollars on it every year. That wears & tears the inside of my bum bum!
So, I am thankful somebody else (who is making less money than me) can enjoy those expenses instead! Thanks, sucker! Wear & tear this!
NOTE: I truly am grateful to my feature act for driving. Headliners & future headliners, please do your features justice by throwing them a little extra gas money for the wear & tear & for the stress of driving. You could also buy them a meal that week. They will be thankful- plus, it's the right thing to do. When I was featuring, headliners did that for me. I was extremely thankful for that too.
As always, I am thankful you read my blog. I'd also be thankful if you left a comment here- even if it is an unfavorable comment, like "Hey, Jake, being thankful is dumb. Cut it out!"
*IDM stands for Intelligent Dance Music. So, not only is the music grating to your ears, the name is off-putting- & snobby too!