Monday, March 19, 2012

Stink is a Warning

Hi!  I'm Jake!

I just got done running around with my girlfriend's roommate's dog, Titan.  Now I'm all sweaty. Antiperspirant commercials would lead you to believe sweat is bad, but I am extremely grateful that I sweat.  Here are 3 reasons I am thankful for sweat:

1. Sweat Cools You Off.

I'm from Colorado. To me, there's nothing better than hiking up a mountain, working up a sweat, then having a refreshing, dry breeze cool you off. You get exercise. You get endorphins. You get the view of the Rockies.  The sweat evaporating off your body refreshes & invigorates you. I am thankful for that.

To simulate this effect at home, have someone breathe their hot sweaty breath on your neck, then walk in front of the fan.

Note: Make sure that person's breath doesn't smell like cheese.  The Rockies don't smell like cheese! I am thankful for that as well.

2. Sweating Cleans Out Your System.

According to some webpage that might be full of crap, sweat cleans your system by releasing toxins through your pores. So, if you have to pass a drug test, drink a bunch of water and run around a lot. Go play frisbee or something. Maybe run from the cops!  Get motivated!  The chemicals will pass right through you. You'll be thankful because you got some exercise, & because you didn't get cornholed in prison.

As for me personally, my girlfriend & I eat a ton of ice cream.  I also drink 8- 9 cups of tea per day.  My body does not need all these extra chemicals. My tea pee carries a lot of the chemicals out, but according to my hyperactivity, I still keep a bunch in my system. So, running around with the dog, hula hooping, riding my bike, yoga, & any other activity that works up a sweat helps me relax again.  I feel even better if I shower afterwards!  I rinse all those toxins off my stinky body. You guys are thankful when I shower too.  When I sweat, I smell awful!

3. Stink is a Warning.

That brings us to our final thingy.  When I sweat, the smell can actually tell you what I've been up to.
  • Exercise sweat smells okay. I smell healthy. I feel good. Let me shower, get a drink of water, & let's go make some good choices together.
  • Nad sweat means I just need to shower. Maybe I just went for a long walk on a hot day. I probably feel pretty good.  It's kind of like exercise sweat. However, I get self-conscious about nad sweat, so I won't be very conversational. You might want to keep idle chat to a minimum so I can go wash up.  Then I'll come back & listen to anything you want to say about Moliere or the different kind of ducks or whatever.
  • Too much tea sweat smells like I work in a plastic factory. If I smell like that, it's possible I am still a little keyed up. You might want to give me some space, & avoid discussions about religion, politics, or Primus.  I'll have a lot to say and you won't get a word in edgewise.  I'm also due for a crash. At that point, I still stink, but the rush is gone & I'm about to be argumentative & curt.
  • Too much sugar on a hot day sweat smells like tea sweat, but I'll itch my skin too. Leave me alone. I might be fine now, but soon, I'll be super irritable- & super stinky.
  • Ate-a-bunch-of-greasy-food-then-woke-up-from-a-nap sweat? See Too much sugar on a hot day sweat.  I feel about the same- plus my breath is usually really bad.  Maybe my pits smell like onions too.  Bonus!
Anyway, I emit a whole bunch of other stinks.  I'm thankful that you can smell them & quickly guess my mood. I'm also thankful you can't smell me right now.  

Well, I'm thankful you have read my blog today.  Tomorrow's blog entry will most like come in the afternoon.  I have a Kundalini yoga class in the morning.  Then I'll put out another episode of The Battery Podcast.  I'll do some writing for my stand-up comedy act, then another blog entry.  

Cool. Until tomorrow, have a great day & be thankful you can't smell me right now!

Bye! I'm Jake!

P.S.  Right now, it's more or less a nad sweat.


  1. I found this blog educational on a few levels. Firstly it seems you are very healthy, secondly you are quite busy mostly taking showers after fun and invigorating activities. These activities and showers seem to make you funny,as I belly laughed several times while reading your blog. Thank you for being you.

  2. "Maybe my pits smell like onions." HAHAHAHA...I love that you wrote "maybe." Jake...any type sweat you have, your pits smell like onions. Since my nose is at your arm pit level, I am quite the expert. I love you anyway...onion pits and cheese breath!