Monday, March 26, 2012
I Don't Travel by Wagon Train
Hi! I'm Jake!
If you don't know, I am a full-time stand-up comedian. I get by on the skin of my teeth. Right now, I have a weird bug bite. Sometimes, comedians get weird bug bites. This one is itchy.
I travel a lot, though. At the moment, I am in High Point, North Carolina. Tonight, I'll be in Minneapolis.Tomorrow, I have a gig in Dickinson, North Dakota. Later this week, LaCrosse, Wisconsin & St. Paul, Minnesota. Then, North Carolina, then Texas. Today, I'm thankful I travel by plane & car, but not by wagon train.
So, here are 3 Things I Am Thankful For because I don't travel by wagon train:
1. Modern travel is way faster!
I am taking 2 travel days to get from North Carolina to North Dakota. In olden tymes, that would have taken 3 months! Imagine wagoning all that way, then actually seeing North Dakota. You pretty much have to blow your whole wad to take that long of a trip. You spend all your money, use up all your vacation days. Then you're stuck there. No turning back. So you have to live there.
All I am saying is I am thankful that I have the time & means to go there, enjoy the show, then drive & fly to anywhere else.
NOTE: If you live in North Dakota, I do like you. You guys just need to work on the scenery. It looks like God spent 7 days on the rest of the planet, but in North Dakota, he quit on day 3.
2. Different diseases.
Back in the day, travelers could get gout, dysentery, or a plethora of urethra diseases. The only way to feel better, was to ride it out, or trade enough pelts to get a tonic from a greasy charlatan. Now, you might get diarrhea because you didn't wash your hands. But you can get Immodium at any gas station or airport news stand. I have been thankful for that on many occasions! I never wash my hands!
3. Construction zones suck, but they could be worse!
It's true: construction zones slow you down. If you drive through Arkansas, you actually go as slow as a wagon train! Seriously! One time, I sat there in Arkansas- at a dead stop- for AN HOUR! I got out of the car, walked in the woods, took a pee, wrote a novel, then came back & waited for traffic to start back again.
Nevertheless, in olden tymes, they didn't have construction zones; they had dirt roads (just like Arkansas) & the wagons rutted the roads. Wagon ruts bring you to a dead stop too- but you're the one who has to come out & fix the road! If I had to fix the road, that would quite literally take forever! I'm thankful I don't have to do that! I bet you are thankful too.
Bye! I'm Jake!