Thursday, March 29, 2012
Super Smfart Topic
Hi! I'm Jake!
Yesterday, I rode back across North Dakota. Tonight & tomorrow, I perform in LaCrosse, Wisconsin. When you're stuck in a car, eating road food for 8 hours, you're bound to have a fart or 2. Yes, this is a very high brow blog entry. If you're a comedy snob, you might as well come back tomorrow. This entry won't blow your mind- unless your mind is a fart. I have been blowing a lot of those lately.
Anyway, I had a bunch of car farts yesterday- & that's a good thing! So here are 3 Things I Am Thankful For about farts:
1. Farts are a warning.
When I hear or smell a fart, I know somebody is about to be super-uptight. Their butt is warning us. It's time for some business!
So I give them a wide berth. I don't ask them math questions. I certainly don't ask them their opinions about the stupid carpet. I don't punch their gut for a fun little goof either. I make a path. I get out of their way so they can go push one out.
After their brownout, they are always more relaxed. That's the perfect time to ask them for a favor. Because they are thankful I didn't push their buttons, pre-poop, they are more likely to give me what I want, post-poop.
2. Farts ensure we don't blow up!
It's simple science. Farts release gas from our bodies so we don't explode. Pigeons explode because they can't fart. That's why we feed them rice. As fun as that is, though, that is dangerous for people. So, really, farting prevents danger. I'm thankful for that.
3. Farts weed out uptight snobs.
Yes, it's true: there are plenty of mature topics I can write about. I could explore the worlds of literature, science, math, current events, Canada, or my own personal life to find new truths.
Or, I could sit here at my continental breakfast, relax & spend 15 minutes of my morning thinking about something I love, a stinky smell that offends the family sitting next to me. This is beautiful. At that moment, those family members- & everyone in my fart epicenter- feels the exact same way. They are connected.
Isn't a personal connection between family members at a meal more valuable than the opinions of comedy critics who are too fancy for farts? I think it is. I'm thankful for that. So go out in public & fart next to a family! Make a baby cry!
Well, I feel better now that I released this entry. If there are still any high brow comedy snobs still reading this, I'll reward you with some ancient chinese wisdom:
Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching says
"a lowly state is a boon.
Getting it is a pleasant surprise
and so is losing it!"
So is losing a poop. A poop is a boon. Losing a poop is a boon. So have yourself a boon poop!
Well, this has been fun. I'm thankful you read my blog. See you tomorrow!
Bye! I'm Jake!